Who Did Bachelor Give Rose To Last Night?

A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, but an article by any other name would not be sweet at all, as our paths would never meet. 

Welcome Aboard, Hello, Happy Tuesdee, and Thank You for typing in "Who did bachelor give rose to last night?" in your search engine of choice. 


It's come to my attention that a final/finalizing rose was tendered by a wooer to a beautiful object of woo on last night's hit ABC show, The Bachelor. 


While I appreciate the massive traffic this query of great confusion is sure to draw, I'm afraid I've misrepresented myself. 

"How long do roses live?"

The toxification of the (above) rose represents the bitterness of the schism I've created between you and I, eager Bachelor results seeker. A recap I do not have; the recipient of the final rose, I do not know. One thing I do know: hunger & thirst for morning coffee (black, room temp) will soon end this fraudulent post. 

But why write an article about the results of a show that I haven't seen?

You'll have to cut me some slack here. As far as I can tell, Bachelor gets massive ratings, especially in the female demographic, which has been this site's white whale since its inception. 

"What is a white whale?"

Rather than pursuing the elusive female fanbase, I'll go anti-Captain Ahab and simply give up. 

Whoever was given the rose last night will spend the rest of her life with whoever gave her the rose, in all likelihood. 

Conversely, our paths shall never cross again, as this marks the end of my reality TV/Soap Opera coverage. 

Thank You, I'm Sorry & Good Day. 

What The Heck Happened To MySpace Tom?

Hello. How are you doing this evening? Welcome to AvatarJack.com, your home to all things relevant. I'll get into the SEO aspect of the operation further down, but I'd like to first touch on MySpace Tom, the former founder and (presumably) CEO of MySpace.com. 

"What is Myspace Tom doing?"

Tom had the foresight to sell My Space before it lost its luster, for ~$350 million. I took a flier and started following his @ss on Twitter, and I'd like to reflect on what I've come across. 

Tom is globetrotting, readers. He's spending money like it's going out of style, as they say. He was spotted at a game or event of some sort with rappers and/or other celebs, and he's spearheaded/launched/created/spawned a burgeoning/blossoming photography career. Please find My Space Thomas's photos below. 

Downtown LA. Fair enough, he was in LA.

Carved Buddah in Japan

Active volcano in Hawaii

$$$$$

MySpace Tom has been spending his MySpace money, it's safe to say. 

I'm here for the exclusive on this coverage, and fully understand that this will be sourced up the wazoo over the coming days, weeks, and months. Please take my lead, but be sure to advance the story, and further uncover/unearth exactly what it is that MySpace Tom is up to. What are his ties to the rap community? Dare i suggest that MST is the next celeb death? Croak or no croak, I'm on the frontline here. 

AvatarJack3.0 made a sudden "pivot" to a more revenue-friendly SEO approach. Keywords were used. Headlines were modified. Popular topics were covered. A few hundred Google searchers were lured in. 

This entry represents a new frontier. A story has been broken, a scoop scooped. I was certainly the Dark Horse in the race to burst Myspace.com Tom's bubble (which, mind you, is a role I particularly enjoy given my affinity for dark horse meat), but burst MST's bubble I did. 

Those of you arriving for the first time, again I'd like to welcome you to the site and thank you for your business. On a typical day, "I do my best to guess what you're googling®" and deliver the goods, in a timely, thoughtful, organized, and engaging fashion. 

Hopefully MySpace Tom gets busted for insider trading (or similar) so this entry can become extra-ordinarily relevant. 

Please enjoy my new "Google Alert" section, composed of companies likely to have Google Alerts established on behalf of their respective employees. 

( foursquare, KMS Solutions, Pepsi, Nikon, Phoenix Optix Metro, PandoDaily, Taco Bell, Pinterest, Goldman Sachs)

If arriving from these companies, please be advised that there's no information, here, on your operation. You're doing a great job, and I may cover you at a later date, but now's not the time. 

Continue as you were. 

This site is intended for purely promotional and entertainment purposes. All information published herein is gathered from sources which are thought to be reliable, but the reader should not assume that the information is official or final. Coming posts are views of Avatar_Jack and Avatar_Jack alone. Views expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of Google ®. Avatar_Jack writes this under no duress, with no outside influence from a greater body, ie. puppet master. 

March Comes In Like Lion Out Like Lamb Saying

Hello, welcome, and thank you for choosing AvatarJack.com.

The saying is, "March comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb."

What this old proverb is basically saying is that March will most likely begin with cold, nasty weather, and finish with weather that's more mild, more pleasant, and more lamb-like. 

You see, March looks like a winter month in its early stages, but down the home stretch, March is a month of great tanning and outdoor enjoyment opportunity. 

"What's that lion lamb saying about March?"

Of course, this saying will not apply to those residing in countries close to the equator, either Pole, and any other place that doesn't experience varied seasons. For this group, allow me to create a more appropriate March proverb:

(couldn't think of anything)

As I've told readers in the past, please bookmark the site and check daily for relevant, timely information. This site's mission is to game the Google Algorithm by predicting and covering the hot query of the day. 

Please try to type in your search terms as accurately as possible, though I've been known to meet the reader halfway. 

For example: Yesterday quite a few of you Googled things like "I think there is 28 days in febuary" and "didnt feb have 28," but still managed to land in the comforting arms of AvatarJack.com. 

Thanks again for visiting the site and be sure to check back tomorrow when we cover "what's the best way to prepare horse meat?"

February 29th? I Thought There Were Only 28 Days In February

Thank you for visiting AvatarJack.com. Please bookmark the site and use it as a reference. Our team is obsessed with the user experience (UX), and is always anticipating the needs of the most puzzled Google searcher. 

As for your search query, you're right—typically February has 28 days. This year there is an extra day, making today February 29th, 2012. Every few years they'll toss February an extra day to make up for a slight inefficiency on behalf of the Earth's rotation and something to do with the Northern Lights. 

"What are the Northern Lights?"

Each remaining month shall consist of its normal number of days. We appreciated your traffic, and please continue frequenting AvatarJack.com for all your online informational needs. We're employing a heavy SEO (Search Engine Optimization) approach to ensure that our paths will cross, even if you choose not to come directly to the site. 

Basically, this thing will grow to a point where if you type in any combination of letters and numbers into Google, Yahoo, Bing or Baidu (for my Chinese followers), you will land here. 

Feel free to get back to searching the internet, or doing whatever it is you were going to do after figuring out why February has an extra day. If you'd like to know when St. Patrick's Day 2012 is, please scroll down. Thank you. 

When Is St. Patrick's Day 2012?

St. Patrick's Day 2012 is on Saturday, March 17th, 2012. 

This (falling on a Saturday, that is) happens but once every 7 years or so. Saturday is arguably the best day of the week for this holiday to fall, considering most people are free to go to a parade or do something similarly celebratory. That same group of people are unlikely to have a work obligation the next day (Sunday), so they can sleep in if they end up staying up late. 

No work tomorrow bro

Yes, this may seem like an incredibly odd way to bring back AvatarJack.com after a long, somber layoff, but it's not without good reason. 

I've decided to turn this into an SEO-friendly site. Search Engine Optimization, that is.  From this point forward, until I mothball this thing again, I will be anticipating what the average Googler will type into that search box, in hopes of picking up some massive traffic.

And I mean massive. This method has been employed by the Huffington Post over the years, and they recently sold for close to $1,000,000,000. 

"Why does February have an extra day this year?"

Before you call me a sellout and tell me I've abandoned my base, just know that I don't care, the same way I didn't care before my days of highly-targeted search engine behavior anticipation.