Friday, March 23, 2012

Why Did HBO Cancel Luck?

Nobody reads this pathetic website. Can we agree on that? Is that fair? I tried covering topics I thought would draw universal appeal. Topics of national—if not international—significance. To capture the zeitgeist, if I'm using the term correctly. To take America's temperature, check the reading, and cater to the results. I ended up missing my mark once again.

How do you hit the mark?

Maybe I just got greedy. I saw the swelling global population and tried to reel it in all at once. Maybe I should be targeting a smaller niche [nich]. Or, maybe I should get back to the site's original MO. Let's see how that works. I'll rename this The Avatar Jack Vanity Project, dump the SEO bit, and start covering topics that interest me. 

So Without Further Ado (adieu?): Why Did HBO Cancel Luck?

As any fan of premium TV or horses knows, HBO has canceled Luck, their show about the darkside of horse racing. Two ponies died during the filming of Season One, and one more majestic equine passed during the filming of Season Two, effectively ending the show. They filmed tons of racing scenes over this period, and experts say the rate of death was far less than that seen on "actual" racetracks. That is to say, racetracks where gamblers place bets on the outcome of the race. 

If I could race up to Mt. Pius for a brief moment, and enjoy the early signs of spring as I look down over you all: If filming a show about horse racing kills off less horses than "real" horse racing, why the outcry? Shouldn't we be praising HBO for figuring out a way to enjoy the ponies in a relatively safe way? If I'm a horse, wouldn't I rather go shoot some scenes for HBO, get trained by Nick Nolte, eat some carrots/hay and most likely not die? But before I get praised by PETA for this stance, let me get to my main point:

Why Do We Care When Horses Die?

Cows, deer, lambs, bison, sharks, whales, gators—salt em up, seer em on the grill, serve em up, pass the toothpicks, what's for dessert? When did we decide that it was taboo to eat the horse? Why can't I enjoy a nicely prepared Mustang Grinder without fear of prosecution? Why does horse meat have to go for $40-50/lb in Miami on the black market? Why can't I go to my local butcher and get a nice Thoroughbred Rib Roast or Filet o Barbaro? 

I think I might know why:




You see, the horse is a beautiful creature, so it gets treated differently than other animals. If it was a little smaller, a little chubbier, and a little grubbier, would we care if it died? Does anyone care about the livelihood of a donkey? In the time it's taken me to write this manifesto I've killed 5 donkeys. Please stop by this afternoon for my Daiquiri and Donkey Bash to kick off Spring 2012. 

Bloody Mare-y's?

If I could sum up this disaster of a post in one sentence: We don't eat horses because they look "cute."

And as for Luck: Those 3 horses did not die in vain and they should be praised for euthanizing that horrific show.

This site is intended purely for promotional and entertainment purposes. All information published herein is gathered from sources which are thought to be reliable, but the reader should not assume that the information is official or final. Coming posts are views of Avatar_Jack and Avatar_Jack alone. Views expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of Google ®. Avatar_Jack writes this under no duress, with no outside influence from a greater body, ie. puppet master. No horses or donkeys were killed while writing this piece. Does anyone know where I can get some fresh horse? 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Who Did Bachelor Give Rose To Last Night?

A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, but an article by any other name would not be sweet at all, as our paths would never meet. 

Welcome Aboard, Hello, Happy Tuesdee, and Thank You for typing in "Who did bachelor give rose to last night?" in your search engine of choice. 

It's come to my attention that a final/finalizing rose was tendered by a wooer to a beautiful object of woo on last night's hit ABC show, The Bachelor. 

While I appreciate the massive traffic this query of great confusion is sure to draw, I'm afraid I've misrepresented myself. 

"How long do roses live?"

The toxification of the (above) rose represents the bitterness of the schism I've created between you and I, eager Bachelor results seeker. A recap I do not have; the recipient of the final rose, I do not know. One thing I do know: hunger & thirst for morning coffee (black, room temp) will soon end this fraudulent post. 

But why write an article about the results of a show that I haven't seen?

You'll have to cut me some slack here. As far as I can tell, Bachelor gets massive ratings, especially in the female demographic, which has been this site's white whale since its inception. 

"What is a white whale?"

Rather than pursuing the elusive female fanbase, I'll go anti-Captain Ahab and simply give up. 

Whoever was given the rose last night will spend the rest of her life with whoever gave her the rose, in all likelihood. 

Conversely, our paths shall never cross again, as this marks the end of my reality TV/Soap Opera coverage. 

Thank You, I'm Sorry & Good Day. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

What Did Tiger Woods Shot Sunday?

Hello and thank you. Thank you for typing in "What did tiger woods shot Sunday?" and choosing 

Today, Sunday March 4th, 2012, Tiger Woods shot a -8. He was 8 shots better than the course average. He wasn't par for the course, he was 8-under-par for the course today. Without knowledge of the overall standings, I'd imagine this banner day has propelled him to the top of the leaderboard and possibly into the winner's circle. If so, this is the biggest accomplishment for an Asian-American since that other Asian-Amercian accomplished something. 

"Who Is Jeremy Lin?"

As much as I'd like to provide further commentary on this great round of golf, your visit to the site cannot be reversed; it's in the bank, and, considering that the overwhelming majority of site visitors come once and never return, I reserve the right to "mail it in" once the answer to your search query has been delivered. 

That's a shame, though. Just so much more to be covered on this topic. How great was the round? I didn't get a chance to see it/read about it, but some reports suggest that (arguably) the greatest golfer of all time had his greatest round off all time. Which isn't to say that this was the greatest round of golf of all time, period. That's unlikely. 

Another angle to consider would have to be: Did Tiger Woods's incredible round trump the recent success of Jeremy Lin? Moving forward, that will be something to consider, and I'm sure it'll be kicked around by the various ESPN talking heads. 

Either way, March = Busy Month, so be sure to check back frequently for information/clarification on the various events/issues. 

Thank You.

This site is intended purely for promotional and entertainment purposes. All information published herein is gathered from sources which are thought to be reliable, but the reader should not assume that the information is official or final. Coming posts are views of Avatar_Jack and Avatar_Jack alone. Views expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of Google ®. Avatar_Jack writes this under no duress, with no outside influence from a greater body, ie. puppet master. 

Saturday, March 3, 2012

What The Heck Happened To MySpace Tom?

Hello. How are you doing this evening? Welcome to, your home to all things relevant. I'll get into the SEO aspect of the operation further down, but I'd like to first touch on MySpace Tom, the former founder and (presumably) CEO of 

"What is Myspace Tom doing?"

Tom had the foresight to sell My Space before it lost its luster, for ~$350 million. I took a flier and started following his @ss on Twitter, and I'd like to reflect on what I've come across. 

Tom is globetrotting, readers. He's spending money like it's going out of style, as they say. He was spotted at a game or event of some sort with rappers and/or other celebs, and he's spearheaded/launched/created/spawned a burgeoning/blossoming photography career. Please find My Space Thomas's photos below. 

Downtown LA. Fair enough, he was in LA.

Carved Buddah in Japan

Active volcano in Hawaii


MySpace Tom has been spending his MySpace money, it's safe to say. 

I'm here for the exclusive on this coverage, and fully understand that this will be sourced up the wazoo over the coming days, weeks, and months. Please take my lead, but be sure to advance the story, and further uncover/unearth exactly what it is that MySpace Tom is up to. What are his ties to the rap community? Dare i suggest that MST is the next celeb death? Croak or no croak, I'm on the frontline here. 

AvatarJack3.0 made a sudden "pivot" to a more revenue-friendly SEO approach. Keywords were used. Headlines were modified. Popular topics were covered. A few hundred Google searchers were lured in. 

This entry represents a new frontier. A story has been broken, a scoop scooped. I was certainly the Dark Horse in the race to burst Tom's bubble (which, mind you, is a role I particularly enjoy given my affinity for dark horse meat), but burst MST's bubble I did. 

Those of you arriving for the first time, again I'd like to welcome you to the site and thank you for your business. On a typical day, "I do my best to guess what you're googling®" and deliver the goods, in a timely, thoughtful, organized, and engaging fashion. 

Hopefully MySpace Tom gets busted for insider trading (or similar) so this entry can become extra-ordinarily relevant. 

Please enjoy my new "Google Alert" section, composed of companies likely to have Google Alerts established on behalf of their respective employees. 

( foursquare, KMS Solutions, Pepsi, Nikon, Phoenix Optix Metro, PandoDaily, Taco Bell, Pinterest, Goldman Sachs)

If arriving from these companies, please be advised that there's no information, here, on your operation. You're doing a great job, and I may cover you at a later date, but now's not the time. 

Continue as you were. 

This site is intended for purely promotional and entertainment purposes. All information published herein is gathered from sources which are thought to be reliable, but the reader should not assume that the information is official or final. Coming posts are views of Avatar_Jack and Avatar_Jack alone. Views expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of Google ®. Avatar_Jack writes this under no duress, with no outside influence from a greater body, ie. puppet master. 

Friday, March 2, 2012

What's The Best Way To Cook Chicken?

Hi, Hello, How are you? and Thank You for choosing for all your recipe needs. 

The best way to cook chicken varies based, mainly, on where you are from. That is, where you were born, raised, reared,  brought up, or even "schooled."

I'll cover a few different regions to give you a better idea of what might be the best recipe for you.

"What do tigers eat?"

Asia: If you find yourself currently living in Asia, the best way to cook chicken would be to cut it up into small cubes, batter it, and infuse it with sweet and sour sauce. Please be very liberal with the Chinese 5 Spice, and it might be a good idea to have some Duck Sauce on hand. When you're just about to serve the dish, don't be afraid to apply a liberal dousing of Soy Sauce. These sauces are sodium-laden, meaning you most likely won't have to apply salt.

America: If you're living in the Southern region, or if you were once living in the South and are now awkwardly living in the North as a "transplant," you'll need to take the chicken, remove all feathers, slice, batter or "bread," and drop into a pot of boiling oil. This will result in a serving of fried chicken. Other regions in the US should "saute," seer, or even grill the chicken to obtain a desirable "char." 

Native American: Please check back tomorrow when I cover "How To Cook Bison."

"What do Indians eat?"

Best of luck with the recipe and please check back at a later date for some additional information on a different topic to be determined at that later date and to be based on something you might type into a search engine. 

I'll continue gaming the Google Algorithm to ensure that our paths cross. You Googled it, I guessed it™.  Or, for my arabic readers: "ઇફ યોં ગૂગલે ઇત ઈ ગુએસ્સેદ ઇત ™." 

Once again, I'd like to thank you for selecting And if I could speak to my original fanbase, I would like to apologize for what this site has become. I'm sure you're asking questions like "Why?" and "What the H is this?," but just know that, while I do understand where you're coming from, I had to do what's best for the site. 

I had to do what's best for the site...

Thursday, March 1, 2012

March Comes In Like Lion Out Like Lamb Saying

Hello, welcome, and thank you for choosing

The saying is, "March comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb."

What this old proverb is basically saying is that March will most likely begin with cold, nasty weather, and finish with weather that's more mild, more pleasant, and more lamb-like. 

You see, March looks like a winter month in its early stages, but down the home stretch, March is a month of great tanning and outdoor enjoyment opportunity. 

"What's that lion lamb saying about March?"

Of course, this saying will not apply to those residing in countries close to the equator, either Pole, and any other place that doesn't experience varied seasons. For this group, allow me to create a more appropriate March proverb:

(couldn't think of anything)

As I've told readers in the past, please bookmark the site and check daily for relevant, timely information. This site's mission is to game the Google Algorithm by predicting and covering the hot query of the day. 

Please try to type in your search terms as accurately as possible, though I've been known to meet the reader halfway. 

For example: Yesterday quite a few of you Googled things like "I think there is 28 days in febuary" and "didnt feb have 28," but still managed to land in the comforting arms of 

Thanks again for visiting the site and be sure to check back tomorrow when we cover "what's the best way to prepare horse meat?"

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

February 29th? I Thought There Were Only 28 Days In February

Thank you for visiting Please bookmark the site and use it as a reference. Our team is obsessed with the user experience (UX), and is always anticipating the needs of the most puzzled Google searcher. 

As for your search query, you're right—typically February has 28 days. This year there is an extra day, making today February 29th, 2012. Every few years they'll toss February an extra day to make up for a slight inefficiency on behalf of the Earth's rotation and something to do with the Northern Lights. 

"What are the Northern Lights?"

Each remaining month shall consist of its normal number of days. We appreciated your traffic, and please continue frequenting for all your online informational needs. We're employing a heavy SEO (Search Engine Optimization) approach to ensure that our paths will cross, even if you choose not to come directly to the site. 

Basically, this thing will grow to a point where if you type in any combination of letters and numbers into Google, Yahoo, Bing or Baidu (for my Chinese followers), you will land here. 

Feel free to get back to searching the internet, or doing whatever it is you were going to do after figuring out why February has an extra day. If you'd like to know when St. Patrick's Day 2012 is, please scroll down. Thank you. 

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

When Is St. Patrick's Day 2012?

St. Patrick's Day 2012 is on Saturday, March 17th, 2012. 

This (falling on a Saturday, that is) happens but once every 7 years or so. Saturday is arguably the best day of the week for this holiday to fall, considering most people are free to go to a parade or do something similarly celebratory. That same group of people are unlikely to have a work obligation the next day (Sunday), so they can sleep in if they end up staying up late. 

No work tomorrow bro
Yes, this may seem like an incredibly odd way to bring back after a long, somber layoff, but it's not without good reason. 

I've decided to turn this into an SEO-friendly site. Search Engine Optimization, that is.  From this point forward, until I mothball this thing again, I will be anticipating what the average Googler will type into that search box, in hopes of picking up some massive traffic.

And I mean massive. This method has been employed by the Huffington Post over the years, and they recently sold for close to $1,000,000,000. 

"Why does February have an extra day this year?"

Before you call me a sellout and tell me I've abandoned my base, just know that I don't care, the same way I didn't care before my days of highly-targeted search engine behavior anticipation.