Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Beware the Ideas of March

I trust you've taken my hairstyle comments into consideration and taken the necessary steps to align your looks with my ideals. I know the Disclaimer said this site is purely for promotional and entertainment purposes, but that last post was designed to be taken seriously, especially if you have red hair. I hate to disappoint at this early stage, but why not let you down softly while expectations are still low: the Hair Products blog has been postponed indefinitely. Use your best judgement until I have an opportunity to shed light on the industry.

Our global numbers are nonexistent, besides the 2 clicks from Hungary yesterday. If necessary I'll address the issue at a later date, but this is a good start, he's from Europe. 

"Beware the Ides of March," so says the smug, fear-mongering prognosticator who, don't forget, says the same thing on the 15th of every month, substituting the applicable month to be clever, of course. Ok, that's actually what I do, but I'll stop. Sitting here on these Ides of March, in the year 2011, my perspective has changed regarding this most chilling warning. As the story goes, Julius' hunger for power and respect led to his  stabbing—23 times by over 60 of his adversaries. They say those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I'm afraid we're off to a bad start here. Just yesterday (and in this post's opening stanza), I put some undue pressure on my reader(s), undue pressure that I now regret. Cancel your hair appointments, or go ahead with the alterations—your call. I'll take you as is, unless of course something comes up that needs to be addressed down the road. Getting attacked by 60 of my adversaries is impossible at this point, given that only 3 people are reading this site, but I'll err on the side of caution and tear up my list of demands. Giving you back your freedom is to be viewed as a Good Idea, the following are to be viewed as Bad Ideas. 

Beware the Ideas of March

Daylight Savings Time
First off, it's Daylight Saving Time, we the people added the 's' for speak-ability. Grammatical alterations for convenience sake is a dangerous game. Secondly, daylight is not saved, but rather, it's shifted. This, loyal readers, is illogical. Studies suggest school-going children are put in harms way in crosswalks and bus stops due to the redistribution of precious morning daylight. DST was introduced during WWI to make better use of power: less wattage in homes, more in weapons-producing factories. The war is over, but a war on daylight remains. All I am saying, is give the old way a chance. 

Be strong kids, help is on the way

Major League Baseball
America's most painfully boring pastime officially kicks off at the end of the month. Millions worldwide will embark on a six month journey of watching paint dry. Don't get me wrong, I love baseball, but the obnoxiously slow pace of the game paired with the high-speed nature of our culture is a recipe for disaster, and may be unsustainable in the long term. This past season, the NFL Pro Bowl did a better rating than the most viewed World Series game. That's a serious red flag. Dust off the cobwebs Bud Selig and listen closely: I propose a shift to a six inning game, as seen in Little League. The Little League 6 would add a much need jolt of excitement: starters throwing complete games, closers becoming aces, elimination of late game pitching changes—basically an overall increased sense of urgency. Some will resist, citing the importance of historical stats and milestones. These stats have already been severely compromised by the Steroid Era. We start fresh with the Little League 6 and put Major League Baseball back on the map. 

March Madness
Have we all gone mad? Every March, men, women and children abound become "experts" on NCAA Men's College Basketball. We ramble on and on about teams we've never seen play, and bask in a mirage of glory after Duke beats CW Post in the first round. Tis the season of frauds, impostors, fakes and phonies. Don't try to sell me on your bracket and don't feign despair when all the 1 seeds fail to advance. You know nothing about college basketball and even less about general decency. 

To be avoided at all costs


  1. So you dislike baseball and NCAAB. What's next, you're gonna tell us you like hockey??

  2. They have their flaws. Hockey is perfect- i'm writing a hockey dissertation, should be ready by early summer.