Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Knut: A Farewell to Paws

I'm sure many of your are expecting an Elizabeth Taylor tribute here on this section of the net today. Given what I produced yesterday, I cannot blame you. Rest assured, E.T. will not be getting any further ink. I will not promote a culture of death on this site.

Classical conditioning might suggest I should focus primarily on obituaries, given the 300% spike in traffic generated by my tribute to our fallen Knut, but I refuse to assume the role of Pavlov's dog- I'm no pawn (not until I get a legitimate takeover offer, that is). Some may say, "Avatar_Jack, you've searched far and wide for a suitable niche, a groove, a voice to call your own, well here it is!!" To that I'd say: Concerned reader- I have thought carefully about what you've suggested, and truly respect and even enjoy your feedback, but I will not seek profit from the demise of man. I will not root for death for prosperity's sake. 

Keep in mind I've chosen to assume the role of voice for the voiceless- that's what yesterday was all about. The traffic generated from covering such a hot-button issue was merely a bonus, not an end game. I rise today to see the situation has further deteriorated. Knut, our sweet ursine prince, is being STUFFED LIKE A DAMNED TURKEY!! This all but eliminates the prospects of a peaceful rest, as many of us have wished for our furry little friend. 
Why Germany, WHHHYYYYY?

I hear Knut's voice telling me not to give up, to continue fighting for justice, to fly over to Germany, take his expired mass of flesh, throw it in a cedar box, cross his paws over his chest, nail it shut, bury it six feet deep and throw a long-stemmed rose over the top. 

Sadly, I cannot follow through on this, dear friend, but I will leave you with this. Germany can take away all of your physical abilities, but remember: They cannot touch your mind, they cannot touch your heart, and they cannot touch your soul. Well, I guess Germany actually can touch your mind, given that they tortured you to the point of brain hemoraging. And I guess they can touch your heart too, given that they ripped it out and sold it on the black market along with the rest of your functioning organs and usable fur. But they have no access to your soul, although I'm sure they are trying to figure that part out as well. 

Knut has truly taken to the next level, and I shall never be able to repay him. It's snowing today, which is odd given the season, but I think Knut might have something to do with that. The somber tone of this site will soon wear off and we'll return to business as usual- Life must go on.

In lighter news, welcome aboard: Germany, United Kingdom, Ireland, and Panama! Feel free to drop a line in the comment section with any questions, suggestions or concerns. 

Avatar_Jack- Out

Glory Days


  1. Avatar_Jack, might you provide your readers with a phonetic spelling of "Knut?" I find myself addressing the lovable furball as "Newt," and this just doesn't seem right. Thank you in advance.

    /had lots of trouble with the correct placement of punctuation inside/outside quotations
    //needs Strunk & White's "Elements of Style"

  2. I believe it's Ka-Noot. I was going to put a phonetic spelling in there, but decided not to.

    as for your issues with the punctuation: stand in line behind that DF who wants some money for that clipart.

    I did get a copy of S&W though, so maybe things will improve around here, maybe not though...

    My show, my keypad, my beautiful dark twisted fantasy.

    I find that i'm getting mostly complaints in this section. While complaints would fall under the "comments" umbrella, there's also another side.

    My last 3 comments have been, "dude where's my money for the clipart" , "that was pretty good" (the meaning of that is extremely dependent on the tone, so who knows on that one) and now this one about the lack of a phonetic spelling and phantom quotes issues.

    NO free press = no freedom, as i understand it, but i'm very, very close to ripping out this comment section.

    I will now proceed to take deep breaths and count to 10 for the rest of the day. Look for more tomorrow.

    I'll likely regret this, but comments are welcome.

  3. I apologize for the confusion, I was criticizing my own grammatical issues within my comment. I wrestled with the ',' and '?' inside or outside of the quotations, so decided I'd air out my troubles before I was exposed by somebody else.

    Penning a blog can be a thankless endeavor. During times like these just remember, Avatar_Jack's a legend, and lemme tell you why. Everybody wants to be Avatar_Jack and Avatar_Jack's still alive.

  4. I'm still here, that's a very good point. I'm sure there are assassination plots in the making, most likely by that clipart guy.

    Come see me @dennisCox. The sulfuric acid emanating from my fresh reds will have you in tears before you can get your miserly paws on me.

    This blog very well may take on a new lifeform. From this day forward I may just start and extinguish small brushfires in the comments section. I sense a real divide between me the author, and the readers.

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. I regret to inform you posts from the long number/letter combo user names will now be deleted immediately. If you'd like to weigh in, please have the decency to identify yourself. Things will change around here.